On the second floor of my Mom's house near the kitchen, you can see right outside the patio window. There's a small grass plain where one of the locals is building a home, perhaps a small fort. It's in the beginning stages. The fence lining is up, and the rocks, which I believe he is going to use for cement, are piled up in the center. Some days he'll leave his horse anchored on some sort of leash, or cord. The horse is beautiful. It's tall, big and strong. However, this is not what initially caught my gaze. It was its attitude. It was the animal's grace. It didn't fight its situation. It didn't bite the leash. It didn't pull on it either; Instead, it would lie down, and sometimes it would toss and turn playing in the grass. One day he lied and napped on the flower bed patiently waiting for its owner. It knew and trusted that he would come back. He did. Rarely do we get to experience these moments - -
More often we are bombarded by texts, ambushed with emails, fretting over deadlines, anxious over the anticipation of a meeting, stressing over rent and electric bills, and the list goes on and on and on...
Recovery is something else...
It's slow. There is no clock, but your body. Everything is on pause, while the rest of world, it seems, is on resume. Go! You, however, must stay. It's mandatory patience. Wait, wait, wait, and wait some more. It's like finishing a painting and standing still to watch it as it dries on the canvas. It is like watching the teakettle as you mediate on the spout waiting for its whistle, waiting for the steam. Wait, wait, wait, and wait some more. No alarm necessary. Stay. Heal. Wait.
On Monday, I spoke with two #burnsurvivors. Although our stories are different the results are the same. We are changed, we are altered. I am reminded of the myth of the Phoenix. In Greek mythology, the phoenix (bird) regenerates in cycles. From out of the ashes, the phoenix takes on a new form from its predecessor. Likewise, so does the burn survivor. We are born again, physically and spiritually, like Jesus of Nazareth, the Messianic savior of the lost world. In my conversations with #burnsurvivors we talk about recovery, our perceptions of the world and their's on us, and our look into the future. Next month will be my one year anniversary. One of the guys calls it my "alive day," while the other hinted at it being the day I was saved. "You should be dead, but your body and your spirit did not allow you to," Chris declared. Matthew suggested that I celebrate it (April 16th) as it is the day I survived the most horrific pain known to man. My sister says "It's bitter-sweet. It's the day that many of us grieved and felt something deep and tragic, but now it's a day that we celebrate your survival. I know it's cliche, but it's true. This is truly the most bitter-sweet thing I have experienced."
As I approach my one year anniversary, I think about progress. I think about the future. "Now what?" I ask out loud. Haha!
Many ideas come to mind: Art teacher, Uber Driver, or maybe some type of counselor. I don't know God's plans nor am I trying to figure them out. It's funny, there's a small poster on my wall with the scripture Jeremiah 29:11. I can't remember where I saw this, but once my sister and I went shopping and somewhere we saw for sale a journal/calendar with "For I know the plans I have for you" on the cover. It's ironic, isn't it? We can plan all we want, but we really don't have much control in how things turn out. We may have an expectation in our heads, but it always seems like reality is different. I wonder if Bill Gates knew one day he'd be a billionaire, or if Rick Warren knew he'd one day be a mega-church pastor. I wonder.
One thing I know is that right now the Sixers are playing Boston. If you can please pray for JJ Reddick and his defense against Marcus Smart that would be greatly appreciated.
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Take a look at my friend Tyler's trail journals:
http://www.trailjournals.com/journal/23319
Tyler Reiser is a fellow Marine veteran who is currently traveling and hiking around the world. He plans on finishing his education in California next year, and I'm praying that him and I can reconnect in San Diego. Praying for you my dude! Keeping walking and enjoying nature. Foward...March!
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Pain-level: 3
Currently reading: 12 Rules to Life: An Antidote to Chaos
Currently listening: LoFi House Mix 1996 by Katarakt
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@godsplan1989
