Right now the superbowl is on and my brother Samuel and my step-dad Javier are watching the game. Mom is in her office watching her favorite novella.
After spending a week in the states for doctor's appointments, physical therapy, and the Lakers/Sixers game (January 29th), I have returned home. Once again getting back in the routine of resting, mediating, and writing. I'll admit for the past 10 days I experienced something I believed to be a myth - writer's block. When other writers expressed this stumbling block in their life I thought they were lazy and undisciplined. However, it's true, I can now attest to it. It exists. The ideas came fast, but the body was stuck. Like a statue I sat their daydreaming into oblivion while trying my best to stay comfortable and relaxed.
"I'm still here," I thought. "That's all that matters."
I could feel the shadow of my past persona reminding me of what was and what could have been. Even in my own house I started to withdrawal.
"Is this depression?"
It was settling in, but now I could identify it. Another veteran explained to me that one of the signs of depression is avoidance. When she began to avoid feelings, avoid self-care and eventually avoid people, she knew she entered into a cycle of depression. Avoidance and withdrawal are also indicators of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
There are moments, however, that can impact and improve someone's mood. For instance, Javier, a calm but charismatic individual, saw me writing the rough draft for this blog (I write it on paper and then type it).
"Todavia puedes escribir bien?" You can still write well? He asked.
"Necessitas descubrir nuevas formas." You need to discover new ways (to use my hands), I said.
Lo bueno es que todavia puedes. The good thing is you still can [write].
Javier returned to the kitchen and as promised, began to cook me two carnitas tacos...I love this man!
I guess I got lucky because most people do not have good relationships with their step-parents.
...
There's five minutes left in the second quarter, and the New England Patriots are beating the Los Angeles Rams three to zero - Noticed how I spelled it out.
; )
I never was into football, but I did always enjoy the energy of a super bowl party, especially the free food and drinks.
This year was different. This particular Sunday was quiet and tranquil. As I sat at the kitchen table, I looked out the patio window and there was Jose, an elderly bearded man, walking down the dirt road with his loyal dog just a few paces ahead of him sniffing the ground for scraps. Some might say he is a sad miserable man. No steady job, no wife or kids, just him and the beast. I see something else. A free man walking with God and his most loyal creature enjoying the sunset.
Patriots win again...Don't care.
. . .
Now two days later, I'm back typing away and moving forward waiting for the next moment of peace, joy and inspiration. I have learned through the end of last week and the beginning of this day that inspiration can come from others, but it can also manifest from within. Whether it be a song, an inspiration quote, or a scene from a movie, the creativity is all around us it just takes the discerning person to feel them. Listen to your body. Listen to your heart. Listen to your spirit.
Just so you know I have taken another step in my craft and passion. I am now a member of #WritersDigest. I read somewhere that if you spend money on something you are passionate about you are more likely to invest in that activity long term. Like a gym membership or piano lessons, the individual is taking a step of faith in their abilities; to further strengthen their mind, or in this instance the craft. Ten bucks isn't that much anyways, so I can't fail that hard, right? In the upcoming months I will be submitting some of my poetry, and hopefully soon some samples from my first novel Burnt Toast.
With just 30 minutes until the Philadelphia 76er's game against the Toronto Raptors, I have enough time to stuff my face with some home made Mexican food.
Thank you for reading
- M
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P.S. Michael D. Goodrich is another burn survivor I met through the #BurnInstitute. Today he shared with me some of his music. It's described as "Acoustic Americana Country". Please like, comment and share with your circle of friends.
Michael D. Goodrich
http://michaelgoodrichmusic.com/
https://soundcloud.com/michael-d-goodrich
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Currently reading: 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos
Currently listening: Michael D. Goodrich
Pain-level: 4
@Godsplan1989
@Godsplan1989
