If you’re reading this, then there’s a chance you know someone who has taken their life. Whether it’s a brother, a mother, a co-worker or a friend, suicide leaves a trail of anger, sadness, confusion and sometimes guilt. Next month I’m walking out of darkness to raise awareness and fight stigma for those who suffer in silence.
Join me next month on Saturday, October 27th at Liberty Station in San Diego to walk with others as we come together to shine light on the darkness of suicide.
Please consider making a donation to my fundraiser for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
I hope you have a great day.
#sandiego #outofdarkness #suicideprevention
https://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=2111251
- - -
Pain-level: 4
Currently listening: Hollywood Bleeding by Post Malone
Currently reading: The Alchemist
Tuesday, September 24, 2019
Saturday, September 7, 2019
Farewell Texas : Coming Full Circle (part II)
_ _ _
2333
It’s been a week
now since I’ve been home. Routine is as usual, but the vibe is different -
ARROWS SHOOTING
FORWARD –
I’m free! Thank
the Lord!
Going to meet
with the pastor soon and talk, and next week continue with therapy.
When Jesus died
he said, “It is finished.”
Everything you
read after his death should be about reflection and introspection. Let the work
speak for itself. You will get through it. It will pass.
The past is dead
and if it still haunts you kill it! Exercise!
There is no
better feeling then giving your life to something. It’s about dedication,
devotion and sacrifice.
My father
recommended I write fiction. My God tells me to honor my Father, and so with that I will take his advice and apply
it. Thanks Pops, I love you.
: )
WHOEVER IS
READING THIS, I HOPE YOU START WRITING FOR YOURSELF.
That’s all I
hope to accomplish: to motivate others to write, reflect and share their story.
I have met some
incredible people this past year:
BLAKE DELEON
CHRIS GUERRERO
DEZ
TIFFANY
YESHUA
JESSE LEE
RANDY
CAPTAIN K
The list goes
on, but the point is I’m thankful. Thank you for your lives!
I’m alive
because of YOU. I AM alive because of your prayers. This journey is not over,
however, I’m happy to share it with you. Up next, I’ll be developing my next
poem Born-Again, that I will be
sharing at the Phoenix Society’s World Burn Congress next month.
The KEY to
transformation is forgiveness.
TRUE love
comes not from your self, but to love others. Die to yourself. Sssh!
humility
Wash a
stranger’s feet.
Take your
neighbor’s trash out.
LISTEN to
understand. LISTEN to understand.
Thank you for
reading my blog.
G-d bless you.
PEACE!!!
_ _ _
Pain-level: 3
Currently
reading: Animal Farm
Currently
listening: Old Town Road
_ _ _
“Never, ever,
accept mediocrity.”
-
Anonymous
_ _ _
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
...
Question: What
things are too personal to discuss with others?
Leave your
answers in the comment section.
: )
https://www.texasmonthly.com/articles/more-colorful-texas-sayings-than-you-can-shake-a-stick-at/
https://ustravelia.com/famous-texas-sayings-phrases
Friday, August 30, 2019
Poem #52
Poem 52
Post-it notes and chicken scratches
Browsing through the internet
Seeing patterns of words and colors
Looking for a deeper meaning
But in the end it’s all nonsense
Having conversations with others
While giving unwanted two cents
Trying to listen, remembering to shut up
They are the focus and not me
Now I write poems at 0 – 3
Turning nonsense into rhyme
I miss old company but they are bad
A worse version of me – they’d probably be laughing if
they read this:
Hahaha!
A laugh elevates the heart
But when it’s over sorrow returns
And a smile and grin die
A rapper and an accidental overdose
Tragic and awful but nothing new
Celebrities are depressed and blue
But look at us and look at you
We’re no different
Humans, we are, all of the same kind
Reading nonsense and poems
Looking for the meaning and purpose
But truly I tell, sometimes there is none
And that is okay
That is ok
Hang it up and post it
But don’t scratch it
_ _ _
Pain-level: 3
Currently reading: Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
Currently listening: Lil Peep
_ _ _
Mystery-link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WW7dAgdzbQ
_ _ _
Tuesday, August 27, 2019
Coming Full Circle - A Return to Austin
Friday, August 23rd
I'm back in Austin, Texas -
I'm back in Austin, Texas -
A place originally intended for new beginnings is now a reminder of death.
This trip will perhaps be one of the final pivotal moments in my recovery. Although I am still due for multiple surgeries and appointments with various therapists, coming here gives me an opportunity to see back into my life and the thought processes that eventually led me into a downward spiral of madness.
My mother and I arrived last night in San Antonio just short of midnight.
The weather was hot and humid and the wind in the air was thick and encroaching.
During our flight I claimed the passenger seat next to the window. It always fascinated me to see down into the passing neighboring cities. The little lights like small bits of diamonds scattered across a massive geographical region forming all types of shapes - rectangles, squares, hexagons and triangles all lay beneath me.
We check-in at our lodge and peacefully settle into the night. My mother snores, but thankfully tonight the fluffy pillows and cushions silenced her croaking.
...
...
Nightmares - Succubus
--
Saturday, August 24th
Awake
11:00a.m.
It's time to prepare our way back to the music capitol of the country.
Greyhound it is!
Another two hours on the road giving me more time spacing out the window catching familiar sites.
Daydreaming. Reminiscing. Praying.
Waiting...
At last, here at last! Checked-in, settled in and hopeful for inner healing.
My mom and I decided after a long day and a half of traveling that we would stay-in and have dinner at the in-house restaurant. In one of the conference rooms was a gathering: Hispanic Women Empowerment night. Loud music, high heels clanking and ladies shouting. 50's was the theme!
Yep, this is Austin alright!
Other than the fine Hispanic ladies belting out in drunken laughter, the night in Austin was relatively quiet.
"Strange," I thought.
This is not what I remember of a Saturday night downtown.
...
We sat down and I immediately noticed in the restaurant was another party present. A party of six. One of the restaurant patrons looked peculiar. I think it was a...trans-female.
I get confused with all the gender identifications and swapping, but I'm almost certain this female was a dude.
Yep, this is definitively Austin!
Mom and I ordered some Texas fried pickles to start.
I wore my red - Make Austin Weird Again (MAWA) - hat all day. Usually, a lot of people stare at me, but surprisingly not so much today. Maybe in Texas there's more appreciation for patriotism or maybe people don't really care all that much like the media would like us to think. Who knows?
Tomorrow I'm going to visit a church I used to go to before my incident.
The pastor there has asked me to share my testimony.
Sunday, August 25th
9:00a.m.
Pastor Melvin picks us up and we head over to the Grace Place on East Annie.
This morning was nothing short of special.
I got to see old church friends and three Marines who I served with drove up to see me.
The sermon was about redemption and Pastor Melvin saw it fit that I close the sermon with my testimony.
I was honored that he asked me to share, but nervous. Although I had grown up in the church and had heard many people give their "testimonies" over the years, I never actually thought about my own. It occurred to me that I didn't have one and so I decided a couple of weeks prior that I would dig deep and ask myself the question, "What is my testimony?"
To give a testimony means to give an account of something; to testify. To be a witness of an event. Usually, when a testimony is given it chronicles the life of someone before Christ, and after Christ. Most always, it tells the tale of a life before repentance and the renewed life following conversion. Through deep reflection and prayer, I had come to terms with my past and revealed to the listening ears that before I lit myself on fire, I was not a Christian.
It was by all accounts, a public apology to my friends, family and church. I covered it all! I admitted to my depravity, to my double-life and my fall into the abyss of Hell and madness: Drugs, alcohol, pornography, violence, sex, self-harm and eventually, attempted suicide. I WAS NOT A CHRISTIAN! I WAS A FRAUD!
Generally, I loved speaking before a crowd. I mean, come on, I used to be an actor for crying out loud. I love the attention, but this was different. I was wrong. I had been wrong and I so desperately needed help, but I did not have the courage to seek it out because I was blinded by anger. Pleasure and escapism was my way of masking the pain. Masturbating became a way to avoid feeling alone and hurt. Me! Me! Me! I burnt bridges and crushed the souls of my neighbors and their wives. I was sick!
It's hard to admit you were wrong. It's even harder to take responsibility for one's actions.
God allowed it.
My ego was destroyed and my flesh burned. The monster within came to surface. The sinner exposed in its most tragic form. I was beautifully wrong!
It is because of God that I am alive today.
It was on this day, April 16th, 2018, that I became a born-again Xhristian.
That will be the story I tell until I die on His time.
_ _ _
Pain-level: 4
Currently reading: Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
Currently listening: Clair de Lune (Extended) via Youtube
_ _ _
Mystery-link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfmyl8I_bxU
Mystery-link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXwGh3bdF5k
Sunday, August 25th
9:00a.m.
Pastor Melvin picks us up and we head over to the Grace Place on East Annie.
This morning was nothing short of special.
I got to see old church friends and three Marines who I served with drove up to see me.
Bolton, Cervantes and Silva - thank you guys.
The sermon was about redemption and Pastor Melvin saw it fit that I close the sermon with my testimony.
I was honored that he asked me to share, but nervous. Although I had grown up in the church and had heard many people give their "testimonies" over the years, I never actually thought about my own. It occurred to me that I didn't have one and so I decided a couple of weeks prior that I would dig deep and ask myself the question, "What is my testimony?"
To give a testimony means to give an account of something; to testify. To be a witness of an event. Usually, when a testimony is given it chronicles the life of someone before Christ, and after Christ. Most always, it tells the tale of a life before repentance and the renewed life following conversion. Through deep reflection and prayer, I had come to terms with my past and revealed to the listening ears that before I lit myself on fire, I was not a Christian.
It was by all accounts, a public apology to my friends, family and church. I covered it all! I admitted to my depravity, to my double-life and my fall into the abyss of Hell and madness: Drugs, alcohol, pornography, violence, sex, self-harm and eventually, attempted suicide. I WAS NOT A CHRISTIAN! I WAS A FRAUD!
Generally, I loved speaking before a crowd. I mean, come on, I used to be an actor for crying out loud. I love the attention, but this was different. I was wrong. I had been wrong and I so desperately needed help, but I did not have the courage to seek it out because I was blinded by anger. Pleasure and escapism was my way of masking the pain. Masturbating became a way to avoid feeling alone and hurt. Me! Me! Me! I burnt bridges and crushed the souls of my neighbors and their wives. I was sick!
It's hard to admit you were wrong. It's even harder to take responsibility for one's actions.
God allowed it.
My ego was destroyed and my flesh burned. The monster within came to surface. The sinner exposed in its most tragic form. I was beautifully wrong!
It is because of God that I am alive today.
It was on this day, April 16th, 2018, that I became a born-again Xhristian.
That will be the story I tell until I die on His time.
_ _ _
Pain-level: 4
Currently reading: Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
Currently listening: Clair de Lune (Extended) via Youtube
_ _ _
Mystery-link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfmyl8I_bxU
Mystery-link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXwGh3bdF5k
Wednesday, August 14, 2019
Poem #45
In His Eyes: The Vagabond and the Family Man
Inside a Volvo,
a bearded greasy man scans the interior of his home
Sand and dirt on the floor lay under his crusted hairy feet
behind his seat, boxes filled with old clothes and periodicals
ashtray filled with cigarettes and a couple of coffee cups nearby
Beatles playing softly, "Yesterday."
Disappointment and regret hang beneath his eyes
"I traveled far but oh, what a waste!"
Pain, so much of it, how does he dispose of it
Maybe a beer, maybe a joint
But let us not run from the point
Pain, suffering and loss
I traveled the world
Because I'm running from her
I'm running from Truth
Save the Vagabond o' Lord...
A large silver SUV parks close
Next...
To the side he looks
Mesmerized
Out of his eyes
He sees and captures
Inside a Mercedes-Benz
a handsome clean-cut man with his family
Black leather interior, GPS and TV on the back of seats
Chrome rims and tinted windows, but still he can see
the vagabond next to the family man out to eat with his team
Four children, a golden dog and a sizzling wife
"Man, what a lucky guy, what a blessed life!"
The Vagabond shouted in his thoughts.
Look at me with nothing to show
And this man next to me living the dream
He worked hard and look at him now
An example to all and a life fulfilled.
The family man turned and caught his eye
The Vagabond
Frozen...
The family man with heavy bags under his eyes
He looks inside the Volvo and sees
Minimal stuff, but only necessary things
"Yesterday, that's my favorite song"
He thought and slowly reveals
A grin, a smile and subtly
Nods his head at the artist, traveler -- the Vagabond
The free spirit in his home and On the Road
"Oh how sweet, must be nice
No wife, no kids, no nothing
Freedom, what a life!"
The family man lowers his window,
FM: Great song!
V: One for the ages!
FM: You from around here?
V: No, I'm on the road.
FM: Where you headed?
V: I don't know. Maybe Iowa, maybe Canada...
FM: Man...Must be nice!
The vagabond looks around, inside his car. Shakes his head in disappointment.
V: It's alright...You're living the dream over there..
FM: It's not what it looks like, I'm in bondage. I rather be in the Volvo.
V: I rather be in the Benz.
The vagabond and family man laugh simultaneously.
One of the kids yell-out: Daddy, I'm hungry!
FM to the V: You're lucky!
V to the FM: You're blessed.
Together they laugh and smile.
_ _ _
Pain-level: 3
Currently listening: Conversations with God - the Windham Collection
Currently reading: My House of Lies by Lori Golden
_ _ _
Mystery-link: https://www.carrienet.com/now-you-can-be-the-adult-in-your-life/
_ _ _
@godsplan1989
"Oh how sweet, must be nice
No wife, no kids, no nothing
Freedom, what a life!"
The family man lowers his window,
FM: Great song!
V: One for the ages!
FM: You from around here?
V: No, I'm on the road.
FM: Where you headed?
V: I don't know. Maybe Iowa, maybe Canada...
FM: Man...Must be nice!
The vagabond looks around, inside his car. Shakes his head in disappointment.
V: It's alright...You're living the dream over there..
FM: It's not what it looks like, I'm in bondage. I rather be in the Volvo.
V: I rather be in the Benz.
The vagabond and family man laugh simultaneously.
One of the kids yell-out: Daddy, I'm hungry!
FM to the V: You're lucky!
V to the FM: You're blessed.
Together they laugh and smile.
_ _ _
Pain-level: 3
Currently listening: Conversations with God - the Windham Collection
Currently reading: My House of Lies by Lori Golden
_ _ _
Mystery-link: https://www.carrienet.com/now-you-can-be-the-adult-in-your-life/
_ _ _
@godsplan1989
Friday, August 2, 2019
Nearing the End of Summer
Nearing the End of Summer
"Finally!"
"Finally!"
"Where have you been Michael?"
"What's the excuse now?"
ME: There is none!
...
...
...
- Friday, August 2nd, 2019
1:11
1311
Pacific Standard Time
VA Clinic - Mission Valley, California
15 minutes prior to 15 minutes prior to my appointment - while my laptop at home is on its last breath (2008 MacBook Pro!) - I decided to use the good old desktop computer at the workshop station before going into group therapy today.
"Dude, it's time to get a new computer!"
ME: I know right! I'm long overdue - like this blog entry.
Recently, I joined a group therapy class dedicated to writing "caring cards" for veterans transitioning out of the psychiatric unit. It's a Godsend! Every Friday, I meet with a small group of veterans, usually five or six dudes all from different eras (Vietnam War, Gulf, Operation Iraqi & Operation Enduring) who create small cards using art and other materials. Each card contains an encouraging message of hope. Sounds cute, but what many of you don't realize is that everyday 20 veterans take their own lives! I take this group seriously. Not only does it greatly impact me and my recovery, but it gives veterans the reassurance that they are not alone in the fight. While post-traumatic stress affects every individual differently, it is not prejudice against race, gender, or religious affiliation. Mental health is health, and so it is time to eliminate the stigma that we should stay silent and not ask for help. We should encourage a holistic way of taking care of ourselves, and that is why I am a part of this group. Like I said earlier, it's a Godsend.
1:20
1320
...
...
...
...
Unofficially, August is Men's History Month. Although not publicly recognized, this is a grass-roots movement to pay homage to the great men who have contributed to my success and ultimately, my survival.
I would like to publicly acknowledge Mr. Jonathan Black. I met Jon during my time in the Marine Corps. Jonathan Black is a Navy Chaplain and is currently serving to this day. He was my Chaplain and mentor and later, became my friend. He helped me in many ways both emotionally and spiritually and to this day continues with me on this journey of recovery. His ability to bring people together from a mass of denominations is profound. Truly, I say, it is amazing what he does!
He is a husband, father of two, and a friend to many. My only regret is that we waited to long after my end-of-service to reconnect. Nevertheless, we are back in contact and hopefully, if the Lord is willing and the creek don't rise, we'll be having a reunion along with some other hobbits (inside joke) next year. I love you, man! Thanks for everything Black Man (another inside joke), God bless you and your family and again, thank you for your service.
#MensHistoryMonth #TrueMasculinity #WhatIsaMan
_ _ _
Pain-level: 3
Currently reading: Grateful American by Gary Sinise
Currently listening: Romance of the Violin by Joshua Bell
_ _ _
Mystery-link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oa7KFJdZVe0
_ _ _
@godsplan1989
Tuesday, May 28, 2019
Blue Pill or Red Pill
Neo, the chosen one, walks into a room and sees a man wearing round sunglasses shades, in a black leather coat sitting in a chair. The stoic sits, and waits patiently. A god of dreams, the son of sleep, the beautiful form - this is Morpheus.
If you are familiar with the film The Matrix (1999), then you probably remember this iconic scene.
- Lately, I have been thinking about the use of - literal and metaphorical - roads, paths, and gates.
You have heard before that "narrow is the gate, but wide is the path to destruction."
It also got me thinking about the nature of how we view and study history, but never have we "studied the future."
I was watching an episode of Batman Beyond, a cartoon television show that premiered on the CW network in the early 2000's. The show follows Bruce Wayne's successor, Terry McGinnis, as the new and improved futuristic batman of gotham. In the episode "Eggbaby," Terry is in a class known as "family studies", and for one of his homework assignments he and another student are required to take care of an egg-shaped baby doll, which simulates reactions of a real infant (crying, laughing, farting, etc.). It got me thinking. How would mandating a "family studies" class in high school affect teenage pregnancy and sexual promiscuity? I bet celibacy would become cool out of fear of unwanted pregnancy or sexually-transmitted diseases. Of course, their could be much more involved in family studies, or in this case, future studies such as balancing a check book, preparing taxes, signing a marriage certificate, filing for divorce, investing in property, bonds, and stock. The list could go on and on, but I hope you get my point.
Back to the MATRIX -
The blue pill represents willful ignorance, blind living, and ultimately, stupidity in the form of a pipe dream. In a lot of ways a blue-pilled person is mechanical, asleep-like, lame, gullible, arrogant and comfortable but worst of all, delusional. The blue-pilled individual lacks vision.
The red pill is reality with all its ugliness and trauma. There is no gray, simply black and white. Good or evil. Light or darkness. By one taking the red pill they are opting to "unplug" from the illusion that the Matrix sets before their eyes. Although this is a symbol used in the film, it has become a monolith for social and political analogies.
"It is a Reality that most do not want to face that comfort, convenience, “safety,” and ease are more often not the pathways that lead you to what you truly want. We know this. But instead we deceive ourselves into thinking that the compromises and the “good enoughs” we settle for are somehow what we actually wanted all along. And then all we end up with is misery and regret." - P.J. Guidera
Many movements have spawned from the red pill such as Men Going Their Own Way (#MGTOW), "Truther" youtube channels, Anonymous, Alt-Right, #BLEXIT, and many other groups and social media personalities continue to shape and push back against mainstream media, liberalism, and the "establishment." Many would consider red-piller's to be "right-wing," anarchists, radical libertarians, and militant conspiracy theorists. Although there is no affiliated religion to the red pill movement, there seems to be a unique bond between social conservatives and atheists. How did this happen? Who knows? But one thing is for sure, the issue at hand has to deal with control both physically and metaphysically.
You often hear people say, especially, on reddit, "O, he's been red-pilled." If a person isn't awake, or as some millennials say "woke," then they are viewed as the sheep being herded around and used as a utility by those in the know.
Ultimately, what we encounter with the red pill is knowledge.
But unlike our ancestors in the Garden of Eden, eating the fruit is not the same as swallowing the red pill. It's freedom, but with a heavy price - the realization that the manufactured life around us is a process of years and years of social engineering by those high up, the elite, or as famous conspiracy theorist Alex Jones would say, the Illuminati.
"Know the truth, and the truth shall set you free..."
"But you can't handle the truth!"
I can say with all humility that I have fallen victim to the red pill, and often times I think, "Why didn't I go with the blue pill." It's difficult to know when it actually happened, but in a lot of ways it happens when someone experiences a psychotic break, or trauma. Your world - that for so long you attempted to manipulate - starts to crumble and you realize that you are not in control. You are really not in control of anything. There's even a strong case for biological determinism, but that is a whole different topic that would require pages upon pages of analysis and commentary.
Well, what exactly is the red pill in real life? Unfortunately, no one can tell you what the red pill is because it comes in many different forms:
Intercourse
Drugs
The Gospel of Jesus Christ
Combat
Giving birth
Marriage
Divorce
Suicide
This list is not absolute, but they're different pathways in understanding that things are not like they should be. It's a mirror, and when looking closely at our blemishes the image dissolves and we are able to see through the lies. Thus, begins the embrace of truth and our own depravity. It is then that we become awake. It is then that we recognize our fallen state.
Shortly after, you will see patterns. Patterns in speech, behavior and in representation. It's all around us, but you have to have eyes that see and ears that hear. Otherwise, your eyes will be wide shut, and you will be sleepwalking not realizing that you are actually dead.
I may be scarred and broken, but the fire has purified me. My soul has been preserved, thanks be to God.
Now I watch and observe in silence. Be still and know.
_ _ _
I made a new friend. His name is Kevin. He is a Christian who lives with schizophrenia. He is a blogger, and also a poet. If your interested in reading his blog, please visit:
https://diaryofabrokenman.home.blog/
You can also follow him on Twitter: @KevinRiddle947
_ _ _
Shout-out to my man T.D. hiking his way through Utah and all the way to Arizona! Congratulations on committing to University of California, Santa Barbara (UCSB). That's amazing! Looking forward to seeing you soon and catching up.
Tyler is a Marine Corps veteran who I grew to knew during our time together with 12th Marines Regiment in Okinawa, Japan. He is currently hiking around the world waiting for school to start in September.
If you are interested in reading his blog you can find him at:
https://www.trailjournals.com/journal/entry/612351
_ _ _
Pain-level: 4
Currently listening: Swing Beats [Jazz Hop / Lo Fi/ Chill Mix]
Currently reading: The Book Thief
_ _ _
Mystery-link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zE7PKRjrid4
Mystery-link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRnCuUVKf8Y
_ _ _
Twitter: @godsplan1989
If you are familiar with the film The Matrix (1999), then you probably remember this iconic scene.
THE RED PILL or THE BLUE PILL
- Lately, I have been thinking about the use of - literal and metaphorical - roads, paths, and gates.
You have heard before that "narrow is the gate, but wide is the path to destruction."
It also got me thinking about the nature of how we view and study history, but never have we "studied the future."
I was watching an episode of Batman Beyond, a cartoon television show that premiered on the CW network in the early 2000's. The show follows Bruce Wayne's successor, Terry McGinnis, as the new and improved futuristic batman of gotham. In the episode "Eggbaby," Terry is in a class known as "family studies", and for one of his homework assignments he and another student are required to take care of an egg-shaped baby doll, which simulates reactions of a real infant (crying, laughing, farting, etc.). It got me thinking. How would mandating a "family studies" class in high school affect teenage pregnancy and sexual promiscuity? I bet celibacy would become cool out of fear of unwanted pregnancy or sexually-transmitted diseases. Of course, their could be much more involved in family studies, or in this case, future studies such as balancing a check book, preparing taxes, signing a marriage certificate, filing for divorce, investing in property, bonds, and stock. The list could go on and on, but I hope you get my point.
Back to the MATRIX -
The blue pill represents willful ignorance, blind living, and ultimately, stupidity in the form of a pipe dream. In a lot of ways a blue-pilled person is mechanical, asleep-like, lame, gullible, arrogant and comfortable but worst of all, delusional. The blue-pilled individual lacks vision.
The red pill is reality with all its ugliness and trauma. There is no gray, simply black and white. Good or evil. Light or darkness. By one taking the red pill they are opting to "unplug" from the illusion that the Matrix sets before their eyes. Although this is a symbol used in the film, it has become a monolith for social and political analogies.
"It is a Reality that most do not want to face that comfort, convenience, “safety,” and ease are more often not the pathways that lead you to what you truly want. We know this. But instead we deceive ourselves into thinking that the compromises and the “good enoughs” we settle for are somehow what we actually wanted all along. And then all we end up with is misery and regret." - P.J. Guidera
Many movements have spawned from the red pill such as Men Going Their Own Way (#MGTOW), "Truther" youtube channels, Anonymous, Alt-Right, #BLEXIT, and many other groups and social media personalities continue to shape and push back against mainstream media, liberalism, and the "establishment." Many would consider red-piller's to be "right-wing," anarchists, radical libertarians, and militant conspiracy theorists. Although there is no affiliated religion to the red pill movement, there seems to be a unique bond between social conservatives and atheists. How did this happen? Who knows? But one thing is for sure, the issue at hand has to deal with control both physically and metaphysically.
You often hear people say, especially, on reddit, "O, he's been red-pilled." If a person isn't awake, or as some millennials say "woke," then they are viewed as the sheep being herded around and used as a utility by those in the know.
Ultimately, what we encounter with the red pill is knowledge.
But unlike our ancestors in the Garden of Eden, eating the fruit is not the same as swallowing the red pill. It's freedom, but with a heavy price - the realization that the manufactured life around us is a process of years and years of social engineering by those high up, the elite, or as famous conspiracy theorist Alex Jones would say, the Illuminati.
"Know the truth, and the truth shall set you free..."
"But you can't handle the truth!"
...
I can say with all humility that I have fallen victim to the red pill, and often times I think, "Why didn't I go with the blue pill." It's difficult to know when it actually happened, but in a lot of ways it happens when someone experiences a psychotic break, or trauma. Your world - that for so long you attempted to manipulate - starts to crumble and you realize that you are not in control. You are really not in control of anything. There's even a strong case for biological determinism, but that is a whole different topic that would require pages upon pages of analysis and commentary.
Well, what exactly is the red pill in real life? Unfortunately, no one can tell you what the red pill is because it comes in many different forms:
Intercourse
Drugs
The Gospel of Jesus Christ
Combat
Giving birth
Marriage
Divorce
Suicide
This list is not absolute, but they're different pathways in understanding that things are not like they should be. It's a mirror, and when looking closely at our blemishes the image dissolves and we are able to see through the lies. Thus, begins the embrace of truth and our own depravity. It is then that we become awake. It is then that we recognize our fallen state.
Shortly after, you will see patterns. Patterns in speech, behavior and in representation. It's all around us, but you have to have eyes that see and ears that hear. Otherwise, your eyes will be wide shut, and you will be sleepwalking not realizing that you are actually dead.
Dead.
I may be scarred and broken, but the fire has purified me. My soul has been preserved, thanks be to God.
Now I watch and observe in silence. Be still and know.
"It's only after we have lost everything that we are free to do anything."
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I made a new friend. His name is Kevin. He is a Christian who lives with schizophrenia. He is a blogger, and also a poet. If your interested in reading his blog, please visit:
https://diaryofabrokenman.home.blog/
You can also follow him on Twitter: @KevinRiddle947
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Shout-out to my man T.D. hiking his way through Utah and all the way to Arizona! Congratulations on committing to University of California, Santa Barbara (UCSB). That's amazing! Looking forward to seeing you soon and catching up.
Tyler is a Marine Corps veteran who I grew to knew during our time together with 12th Marines Regiment in Okinawa, Japan. He is currently hiking around the world waiting for school to start in September.
If you are interested in reading his blog you can find him at:
https://www.trailjournals.com/journal/entry/612351
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Pain-level: 4
Currently listening: Swing Beats [Jazz Hop / Lo Fi/ Chill Mix]
Currently reading: The Book Thief
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Mystery-link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zE7PKRjrid4
Mystery-link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRnCuUVKf8Y
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Twitter: @godsplan1989
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